Many decades ago in an old house’s kitchen I began preparing my cup of instant coffee confessing it would be my last.
I had severe psoriasis plastered between my eyebrows and my nose screaming ‘UGLY!’ When I didn’t drink coffee my face felt ‘PRETTY!’ so what was I to do?
The connection between the psoriasis and the coffee was evident.
As I glanced away from my final cup sitting lonely on the ancient bench I heard a sound I was not familiar with. Having grabbed the milk from the fridge I stoodaghast.
My dearest final coffee cup had split in two. My precious coffee was leaking all over the ancient bench, spilling onto the floor. No! I gasped. What is happening?
I begged the broken cup to speak to me. Did you have to go that far? It was my last…I promised… Why did you do this to me?
Decades later I found the reason. It is based on the video below with insightful information:
Little did I know that the coffee was not only messing with my facial psoriasis. It also was related to the Hypothyroidism that I was not aware of.
Neither did I know then that the coffee and the added ingredients were offsetting my Celiac, also unknown at that time. All I could see was the Psoriasis/Coffee connection.
Finding Out The Reason:
During an Allergy Testboth milk and coffee came up with red lights. Still no explanation why.
Coffee and milk were not the only allergies with red lights. I had a total of over thirty red light allergies. It was everything I had been eating! What?
No explanation at that time. Now we know due to the self-education that is available all over the internet if you search for it.
Check out the article for an in-depth explanation of my red light allergies, how and why.
I found Psychology benefited me with my chronic illnesses, making me feel a lot better over time.
Making it Normal by Timothy Weymann, LCSW
Summary Tips from The Psychology of Chronic Illness: Relationships
Blame Game
Low social support = distressBaby Boomers have been raised in household duties and childcare responsibilities which can make life challenging for a high social life and income.
This in itself can cause a lot of distress.
Yet it could happen to anyone.
Adding chronic illness to it makes it even more challenging with low social support.
Becoming a ‘scapegoat’ Click on this link to gain insights you might not have seen before.
You will find more than you expected and very accurate.
As a recovering scapegoat I found this article particularly pertinent and a good read.
Finding A Safe Balance
Over-involvement I am guilty of over involvement probably due to my ‘scapegoat’ status always trying to do my very best to my own detriment.
Once I realize I was in over-involvement mode I purposefully decided to change my ways.
Especially for the sake of my health while reversing chronic illnesses.
Diseases part Having encountered multiple diseases throughout my life I know how much it affects daily life.
Having care takers is valuable while very challenging without support from others and loved ones.
If you lack full-time support you might have to find your own resilience to get through it, as I have found.
Sharing The Load
Our part/Their part It is beneficial to have cooperation with a supporter doing their part to help you.
It is also fair for the one who is chronically ill to do their part as much as is possible.
It also encourages the one who is ill to feel their contributions are valued and appreciated.
Family/Marital Therapy If you are chronically ill it can take a toll on any type of relationship.
Receiving regular therapy can be a life saver.
Having an outside view of the situation can help balance tension. Responsibility and understanding can also benefit all concerned.
Interpersonal Therapy There are important benefits managing your situation with Interpersonal Therapy in a deeply personal way.
With confidentiality you may feel better being able to talk freely, receiving the help to relieve your situation.
Social Media use In the event that it is difficult to connect with friends or family Social Media platforms can be the next best to keep socialized.
Feeling part of something greater than home-bound chronic illness, restricting you from face to face contact, can make you feel better and less lonely.
Learning To Cope
Coping Strategies I have discovered many coping strategies unique to me.
Intuitively I discover ways of helping myself, having become resilient, watching how others cope and having regular therapy.
It makes me feel less helpless, more hopeful and more able to move forward.
Support Groups What a difference support groups made for me.
Having attended support groups for five years during my cancer years.
A fibromyalgia support group helped me get through to reversal stage.
My goal is to return to that support group to share my testimony of healing.
Remember: There is hope always with bountiful solutions. Choose which ones work for you and your loved ones.
Anxiety’s big issue can still find happiness by feeling better with love and hope.
I know anxiety. I have two family members genetically that also know it.
For me it was more than an anxiety disorder as I was diagnosed with complex trauma.
Once I realized I had a mental health condition my life began making sense. And it wasn’t my fault, neither of my family members. It is what it is.
It makes us unique and it gives us a reason to fight to overcome it, no matter what.
Researching and understanding the condition is paramount. Psychologists, in my experience, help by listening to you, validating your fears and anxiety. They are not only in your mind, but also held inside your body.
Seek help without shame or blame. It is something we all experience. The main difference is the level of severity.
Also the willingness to acknowledge and accept the comforting validation. You might find that you are resilient, intelligent and open to moving forward with your life.
Accept your dreams can come true.
So let’s look at some professional solutions.
Let’s make happiness out of our illnesses.
Summary of ‘Making it Normal’ with Timothy Weymann, LCSW: Anxiety
Anxiety Who hasn’t experienced anxiety if you are human? It affects us all, but for some of us it is more predominant. This is where professional help can help soothe and heal our mind, body and spirit.
Obsessions Do you know anyone who doesn’t have obsessions from time to time?
We may have more than the average, so let’s address it.
Replaying memories Who doesn’t replay their memories? With anxiety it definitely speeds up the process. So learn how to slow it down to management point.
Safety and Vulnerability
Safety We all feel unsafe some times during our lives, but it is true for me that anxiety speeds it up.
Learning to feel safe within ourselves is something very worthwhile learning.
By fulfilling my passionate lifetime future, I had to face the fact that those closest to me thought I had gone mad.
Once I met full-time missionaries, I got very excited when they shared this verse with me:
New King James Version Bible ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.‘ 2 Corinthians 5:17
I boldly declared, “Old things have passed away! I am a NEW creature!”
Obstacles Affecting Your Future
It was true but…
My biggest obstacle was my family, who wanted me to stay, when I wanted to go.
Saying goodbye to them was the hardest thing I could do…so…I decided to board a bus beginning my three day, four night travel from Perth to Sydney, across Australia.
I didn’t realize the implications.
In hindsight it was not the wisest thing to do.
Abandonment To Realize Your Goal
My trip to Sydney lead to my flight to the Philippines where I eventually met my husband.
After nine years, I returned to my family in Perth, both married and pregnant. I didn’t receive the welcome I was hoping for.
Realizing The Damage
When I realized the damage I had caused, we made plans to travel over the plain to Sydney.
Our initial plan to stay for ten days was interrupted due to a transport strike, forcing us to remain for five weeks. It was so taxing on me as I was desperate to leave.
While waiting to depart for Sydney by train, I burst into tearsin front of my parents observing me through the window.
They naturally perceived this emotional outbreak of sorrow, departing once again. But in reality my tears fostered anxiety due to the departure time delayed by one minute.
Health Conditions Resulting From Anxiety
My mid life cancer crisis confronted me to address my past traumas, specifically my childhood and teen years.
Multiple health conditions developed resulting in surgical procedures, one after the other.
While recovering I did some deep reflecting to review my past using re-framing from an adult’s view overriding my childish emotional view.
Spiritual Interception
An epiphany taught me a lesson from the Bible from ‘the potter’:
‘Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make.’ Jeremiah 18:3-4 NJKV
A gentle light filled my mind, opening a new thought pattern on my past.
I envisioned Jesus appearing at the potter’s wheel, holding a mottled lump of clay in His hands. I saw the clay was dry, cracked, lumpy and discolored.
My instinct was to throw it out but…I recognized it as my past with a touch of my present.
Epiphany
I watched His tears releasing the moisture needed to transform the clay.
As I watched Him quietly, I heard Him sing a new song. As a child I wouldn’t have understood these lyrics. Yet, as an adult I understood it clearly. It’s transforming, mesmerizing and transformative power shaped this new pot.
This new elegant pot was much stronger and more useful. It oozed gentleness and wisdom, as though it had a myriad of stories to share with the world.
My remade pot spoke of a new tale, woven from my traumatic past into a meaningful future.
I allowed the butterfly to be released from the suffocating cocoon.
As a result, I learned to fly.
Abandonment transformed into commitment, my shame to honor and betrayal to loyalty.
Life On Earth For Jesus
I’ve read that Jesus experienced these emotions personally during His life on earth.
It’s Possible To Find a ‘New Normal” For Our Daily Lives.
Having been the one with chronic illness I can testify that it does change the normal daily life of a couple.
But I found a way which benefited me in a greater way than I ever expected.
“I just want them how they were…”
Is that really what you want?
Summary of the video above with Trafford Fischer: with additional comments.
Changing the ‘this is how it was’ to ‘this is now how it is” can strain any relationship including marriage, the elderly, accident victims and chronic illnesses.”
Grief and loss issue: For sure there is a grief and loss process to address.
Honor the grief, respect the loss: Honoring the grief for me helped me to respect the loss in order to move forward.
Living in denial: I lived in denial way too long until I found my life’s purpose in my illness.
Can’t always heal, even if they want to: True, you may not heal completely, so you use what you have to move forward.
Don’t isolate: a common trap and so easy to fall into, must be addressed at all cost.
Choose to connect: another must that is fight worthy, putting aside the shame, blame and abandonment.
Take care of yourself: it becomes the number one purpose of your life in order to seal your dream.
Find support network: new friends who you can talk to on your current level who truly understand you.
Remember: Sleep can be a causative item for chronic illness if sleep is deprived. Focus on the series presented earlier.
You slept all eight hours yet you can hardly drag yourself out of bed, let alone begin the day with happiness.
Let’s talk about the Circadian Rhythm and how it determines the outcome of your sleep.
Introducing the Traditional Chinese Medicine Circadian Rhythm method.
What can we learn from that?
Plenty! Enough to solve your problem.
I discovered through writing this blog post that due to my daily migraines I need to rest during 9-11 pm when the blood vessels are in heavy repair.
If you have thyroid or adrenal issues and you like to sleep around 11-pm.
You will find that the TMC body clock will advise you to be in bed, ready for sleep by 9-pm, resting through 11-pm while your body is restoring your thyroid and adrenals.
Study the chart and see which body symptoms stand out to you on the chart, like I did for my migraines.
I have tried the 9- pm sleep and did find I felt a lot better, but of course it is a challenge to go to bed so early with all the temptations of entertainment during that time.
So a choice must be made if you really want to heal. For me I will definitely give it a try as migraines are no fun.
I would love to have a migraine free future, even if it means to go to sleep at 9-pm.
Do you have a special corner at your house where you can meditate?
I have a special backyard where in a corner beside the garage is a large, tall tree that shades a grapevine.
Bee Meditation:
Here resides hanging pot plants creating a haven for our pet rabbit run with a local beehive and a willy-wag tail bird’s nest located in the tree on a lower branch.
My local beehive which was removed to a safer location, saving the queen bee.
Willy Wagtail Bird Meditation:
It is low enough for me to observe the willy-wag tails. A pair of them swoop in and out of the nest while feeding them in turn. One is feeding while the other is searching for food.
In and out they swoop like a swing in action, or like two trapeze artists crossing over from the left and right, passing each other in the middle.
Raising my head just a touch I see the baby birds heads peeking out of the nest, receiving nourishment to survive.
I stand there daily, come rain or shine for my daily meditation.
I know the season will pass soon enough after the babies grow and fly the coop to live their lives. They will be producing more offspring and contributing to the world of birds and their beauty.
Willy wag tails can be very aggressive, yet one sat a metre away from my feet, looking up at me for the first time.
Next one landed on my daughter’s feet as she was seated admiring her rabbit in his pet run.
It seemed to me they were checking the safety level of their nest since it was almost within reach of a human’s touch.
I love nature for reasons like this story.
My greatest meditation takes place in my backyard garden.
Kookaburra Meditation:
Soon the Kookaburras will return and inhabit my clothesline or sit close to the window trees.
I watch them laughing out loud with a mouse in his mouth, or wiggling around while the willy-wag tail swoops at him repeatedly. This drives him to the point of flying away for a safer location.
For those few moments I spend outside with the flowers and the trees, the birds and the bees is paradisaical for me.
No need to fly endless hours to find a foreign beach or location.
I simply slip out of the sun-room door and there I am with my cup of tea, or even a meal to meditate.
It’s relaxing to my eyes after my computer work and internal work.
Grounding On Grass Meditation:
Move to the outside world where all is natural, with your bare feet planted on the ground or even lying down on the grass, mat or not.
Enjoy the sensations of the earth, called grounding.
It can take a few minutes to hours, whatever I choose.
Do you also have a meditative moment outside, in the sun, with bare-feet on the ground?
Or picnicking your lunch while enjoying the sun with a gentle breeze?
“Meaning Making” sounds helpful and hopeful for me…
With chronic illness it can be very hard to find meaning in it.
It all seems meaningless and unfair, but I have found that my chronic illnesses are now reversing. I am healing while sharing my new found knowledge with you.
It has been the most meaningful journey of my life!
Let’s make it mean something special for us…what do you think?
Summary from Timothy Weymann, LCSW for “Meaning -Making”
Religion: The Great Mystery
Spirituality: Part of the Great Mystery
Five Themes:
Loss and uncertainty
Learning one’s capacity
Maintaining fellowship and belonging
Having a source of strength
Building anew.
Negative Findings:
Beware of shame
blame and abandonment with chronic illnesses
with religion or spirituality or neither
Neutral Findings:
Intercessory prayer and it’s affect on chronic illness
Positive Findings:
Lack of forgiveness with increased pain problems
With improved mental health with forgiveness
Post-traumatic Growth:
Chronic illness can be traumatic and life threatening leading to PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
Looking back on the post traumatic growth experienced
Benefit Finding through strengthening the individual with increased empathy relating to others
Motivated to help others after experiencing chronic illness themselves
Remember: Romans 8:28 King James Version
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Note: I personally have experienced all of these situations. I empathize with those who suffer from chronic illness, hence this article. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.
The changes I have made are making it possible for me to improve my sleep, by watching and following the tips on the video below.
Check out Brit Lab Video Below:
If you really are getting enough sleep, no matter what your age, you should find yourself ready for the day, if not bouncing out of bed after your restful, rejuvenating sleep!
If you can’t say a loud YES to this, then please watch the video above and take at least one action step towards your long term health and sleep benefits.
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